Nobody Knows You're a Dog

I was tired of being me, tired of my stumbles and failures, especially of my most recent Big Failure, and I decided to become somebody else.  These days it isn't hard to change identity - with Internet you can become anyone you wish, on the Internet nobody knows you're a dog, as the old cartoon reminds us.

Identity changes have always interested me in literature, from Dumas' Count Monte Christo, to Stevenson's Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, to Antonioni's brilliant film Passenger.

And so, I signed up for an obscure Internet forum, created a new e-mail address and joined a social network there.  I uploaded a photograph of myself showing my face in the shade, and provided the required minimum of personal information, not all of it entirely true, plus a humorous while ambiguous introductory paragraph.  I was a new me.  Apparently the new me turned out in some way attractive to some, because shortly afterward I received e-mails from other participants of that forum, male and female, and proceeded to exchange correspondence with them, some of them, anyway.  I didn't have to initiate any contacts, people (dogs?) contacted me.

I continued to avoid revealing much about myself, and recalled only certain isolated episodes, embellished or not, without identifying their locales or my own personal details.  And I was a different person to different correspondents.  But not because of the different tall tales that I made up.  In fact, I made up very little, just avoided sincere confessions, except when it fit my mood.  Some of these exchanges led me farther than I ever intended, with women inviting me to visit them where they lived, on the other side of the continent or even overseas, and I began to feel on the spot, cursing myself for getting into those relationships.   And I wasn't as aware of what I was doing as this report suggests - I just flowed along without much reflection.

This lasted for months. I wasn't planning to travel anywhere, visit anyone, even if I half suggested to someone or other that I would.   Then, I fell ill.  Cold, flu, bronchitis, I've no idea what it was, but it involved high fever, weakness, much sleep and hallucinations.  I didn't see a  doctor, but I stayed in bed for a week.   It passed, as everything does, and I woke up one morning fresh and healthy.  And forgetful.  I forgot most everything about my other identity, about my correspondents, about the forum, its Internet address, my fake name, my e-mail ID there, and my password to it.  Perhaps with some effort I could have recalled enough to get back to it, but I lost all enthusiasm for this project, adventure, or whatever you want to call it.  I still don't know what these things were.